would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
