I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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