He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
