No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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