something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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