So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ok first of all what the fuck
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
