So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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