Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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