She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
