Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
