He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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