So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
