I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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