Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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