So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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