I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
