I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
