I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
