theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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