Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
third nipple confirmed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
