I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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