Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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