id be glad to
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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