oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
