I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
