Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
