Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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