I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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