Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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