Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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