Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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