marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
