Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
