You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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