3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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