I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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