I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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