A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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