problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
