Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
