bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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