Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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