kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize