These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
