if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
