my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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