either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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