Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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