Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
