I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize