I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
