my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
