the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
