He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
