Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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