I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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