Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
