Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
