I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
