just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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