UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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