Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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