You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dicks are not precious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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