I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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